Oh. Its summer now. I have nothing to do. This isn't true. But I am finding it difficult to be honest these days. I actually have more to do than I can possibly imagine. However this summer was supposed to be different. I wasn't supposed to have this summer all to myself like I now do. So as I stare down the months ahead and hold myself in my hands I feel a bit at a loss. I spent the weekend grieving the loss of my imagined summer. Now here I am on Monday and I need to begin. But how shall I begin? I've been here before, so many times that I would suppose that it would feel natural to have my summer to myself. Instead it feels lonely and isolating. I have to go out and rebuild my life as a single woman. I hadn't been other for very long, so really it shouldn't be that hard to remember how to be this person. And there is the hope that I could always be better than I was with all I have learned in the past year. These are lessons I didn't want to learn.