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Through


Recently the word "through" has stood out to me. I like how it describes a process, with a beginning and more importantly an end. I like how it evokes the same image in my mind every time I read it.
Through is the way I am saved. Jesus saves me now through the work on the cross. I do not go by him, or under him or near him. I somehow go through him and am redeemed. I am active in the process and so is he. I must move, he must save.
And it is his joy to save.
I think this has been striking me more recently because I've begun to view the work I am doing in counseling as a process. This is a forum for Christ's healing through my memories and trauma. By working through all of this shit I hope to be born as whole. When the memories come they rise through my body. I often feel the fear and terror before I remember it. As it rises it begins in my stomach. I was nauseous for months this year. Then the feeling passes to my head as irrational thoughts, and to my heart as palpitations. When the memory fully surfaces it leaves my body, usually with tears. Then I feel somewhat normal again and wait. Another memory always surfaces and I push through the process again. But as each memory passes through me I learn some truth and rebuke some lie. That is what I crave.
"He chose to give us birth through words of truth, that we may be a kind of firstfruits of all he created."

Comments

Cupcake said…
megan,
today i read a quote that i think fits your life.

"courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." john wayne

you are definitely displaying courage now.
May 23, 2008 at 11:42 AM
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