Dear Teachers who worked in the IE from 2002-2004 that I may have subbed for,
I apologize.
I was not a great sub, but I really liked the hours, those were fantastic. I liked being able to walk away at three in the afternoon, neglecting to grade your papers and often lying in the note that your students were great. I never stole school supplies, but almost always took candy. I changed the radio station presets if I knew I was coming back the next day. Which I didn't like to do.
I apologize.
I checked out a lot. Reading the books in your library was the best and most immediate way to avoid processing the full immensity of classroom work or connect with students. I could get a book read in a day if I was good, and I usually just read on my breaks but I do recall a few times reading while students worked.
I apologize.
I didn't follow your lesson plans, and sometimes couldn't find them. I once taught a Junior High math class just by borrowing a student's book, asking what lesson they were on and totally winging it. Then I found the lesson plans during the teacher's prep and was humiliated to read I had neglected to give a quiz that the teacher requested I grade for the next day.
I apologize.
I didn't pick up your class for that second day you requested me for. Its easy to be a happy teacher for one day. It is easy for a student to get along without the teacher they are connected to and reliant on for one day, two tops. Day three things begin to fall apart. Once I was asked to fill in for two weeks in a fifth grade class. The teacher was suddenly hospitalized, long term effects of a summer trip overseas. The first day all of us were in a bit of shock, the students especially - they loved this teacher. The next few days I slogged through, but the kids became disruptive, they cried foul. I got shorter and snapped more easily each day. We were all angry with one another. I was not their real teacher and they had no assurance when she was coming back. I got word that the principal wanted my to stay another week. I agreed and then wondered if I could curl up on the floor and cry a little. Then the team told me they were so happy I agreed to stay. A student brought me a gift and a parent told me she thought I was doing the best I could in the situation. In the last few days I learned to relax with the students, laugh off some comments. I had a great conversation with the classroom's tough kid about their weekend plan to ride with their dad on his trucking haul to Indio. They were so excited they even smiled at me. Yet I went home so emotionally exhausted from those two weeks I decided long terms were not for me.
For the time I sent you student to the bathroom at the dismissal bell and he pooped his pants on the way, but I put him on the bus anyhow I am sorry.
For the time I was late getting ten kinders to the bus, so they missed it and the secretary had to call their parents to pick them up I am sorry.
For the time I used a stapler on your overhead projector and shattered the glass during class I am sorry.
For the time(s) I didn't follow your lesson plans, made up my own, augmented or fully disregarded what you asked me to do I am sorry. Your work deserved far more respect then I gave it.
The job of a teacher is unique in that someone will come and fill in for you if you are out. All you needed from me was to do the job I was paid to do, so when you came back it was with as few hiccups as possible. Of course I never fully understood this until I took my first sub day. I worked on my lessons for hours, and then spent most of that sick day not resting but worrying that all was going well and hoping the sub I had was better then the sub I had been.
I apologize.
I was not a great sub, but I really liked the hours, those were fantastic. I liked being able to walk away at three in the afternoon, neglecting to grade your papers and often lying in the note that your students were great. I never stole school supplies, but almost always took candy. I changed the radio station presets if I knew I was coming back the next day. Which I didn't like to do.
I apologize.
I checked out a lot. Reading the books in your library was the best and most immediate way to avoid processing the full immensity of classroom work or connect with students. I could get a book read in a day if I was good, and I usually just read on my breaks but I do recall a few times reading while students worked.
I apologize.
I didn't follow your lesson plans, and sometimes couldn't find them. I once taught a Junior High math class just by borrowing a student's book, asking what lesson they were on and totally winging it. Then I found the lesson plans during the teacher's prep and was humiliated to read I had neglected to give a quiz that the teacher requested I grade for the next day.
I apologize.
I didn't pick up your class for that second day you requested me for. Its easy to be a happy teacher for one day. It is easy for a student to get along without the teacher they are connected to and reliant on for one day, two tops. Day three things begin to fall apart. Once I was asked to fill in for two weeks in a fifth grade class. The teacher was suddenly hospitalized, long term effects of a summer trip overseas. The first day all of us were in a bit of shock, the students especially - they loved this teacher. The next few days I slogged through, but the kids became disruptive, they cried foul. I got shorter and snapped more easily each day. We were all angry with one another. I was not their real teacher and they had no assurance when she was coming back. I got word that the principal wanted my to stay another week. I agreed and then wondered if I could curl up on the floor and cry a little. Then the team told me they were so happy I agreed to stay. A student brought me a gift and a parent told me she thought I was doing the best I could in the situation. In the last few days I learned to relax with the students, laugh off some comments. I had a great conversation with the classroom's tough kid about their weekend plan to ride with their dad on his trucking haul to Indio. They were so excited they even smiled at me. Yet I went home so emotionally exhausted from those two weeks I decided long terms were not for me.
For the time I sent you student to the bathroom at the dismissal bell and he pooped his pants on the way, but I put him on the bus anyhow I am sorry.
For the time I was late getting ten kinders to the bus, so they missed it and the secretary had to call their parents to pick them up I am sorry.
For the time I used a stapler on your overhead projector and shattered the glass during class I am sorry.
For the time(s) I didn't follow your lesson plans, made up my own, augmented or fully disregarded what you asked me to do I am sorry. Your work deserved far more respect then I gave it.
The job of a teacher is unique in that someone will come and fill in for you if you are out. All you needed from me was to do the job I was paid to do, so when you came back it was with as few hiccups as possible. Of course I never fully understood this until I took my first sub day. I worked on my lessons for hours, and then spent most of that sick day not resting but worrying that all was going well and hoping the sub I had was better then the sub I had been.
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