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But in my Reality

Friends tell me I look great post pregnancy.
"Thank you." I say
 I think "Its just because my boobs got huge." 

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Summer

Oh.  Its summer now. I have nothing to do. This isn't true. But I am finding it difficult to be honest these days. I actually have more to do than I can possibly imagine. However this summer was supposed to be different. I wasn't supposed to have this summer all to myself like I now do. So as I stare down the months ahead and hold myself in my hands I feel a bit at a loss. I spent the weekend grieving the loss of my imagined summer. Now here I am on Monday and I need to begin.  But how shall I begin? I've been here before, so many times that I would suppose that it would feel natural to have my summer to myself. Instead it feels lonely and isolating. I have to go out and rebuild my life as a single woman. I hadn't been other for very long, so really it shouldn't be that hard to remember how to be this person. And there is the hope that I could always be better than I was with all I have learned in the past year.  These are lessons I didn't want to learn. 

Good

I got word today that my old coworker is pregnant. This is good. A little background: My first year of teaching was atrocious for two reasons. One being that I am not suited to teaching Kindergarten. The second lay mainly in my working relationship with this woman. She was very particular about how everything must be done, from where the scissors went to making sure the crayon cups were in the right order. While she was upfront about how picky she was, she was also completely inflexible and made it clear I was the one who was going to have to change. I like to think her private motto for me was "That's nice you want to do it that way Megan, but adjust or die." Once she bribed my students with candy. Both classes were there because it was a short day. My kids were sitting at the tables, talking and giggling as they got ready to go home. Hers were being angels on the rug. So, to make a point, she told my kids if they were quiet during dismissal she would give them all candy...

So

Here is a short list of the things that could bring world peace. 1)The pie Sara made tonight. It had an Oreo cookie crust and chocolate filling. She served it with fresh whipped cream and a raspberry sauce I made. All any of us could do after taking the first bite was grin. Please note that this pie would be most effective after a meal of vegetable curry, rice and beer. 2)The chair at Emily's apartment. Whenever there is a gathering at the Emily's house the chair is the only piece of furniture that is fought over. I have been known to call dibs on it from my car. It is impossible to feel stress in this chair. Its comfort is endless. This is all I can remember at present. The list used to be quite long, but all in my head.