I was going to write chronologically. Forget that. Memory is not chronological and to make it so would require me getting paid to do this.
Also today I put on a shirt that is a loaded gun of memories about one student in particular.
When he was placed I was told he was a major behavior. He didn't like female teachers, in part due to his own mother's erratic behavior. In fourth grade he practically lived in the office. I had a strategy with kids like this that worked about half the time, give them space. I figured if a student was having a hard time in me class it was my responsibility. With potentially explosive students I would make it my goal to be as non-reactive as possible. Sometimes this worked, but took so much emotional energy I ended up being super reactive with other students in the class. I would learn later how to be a non-reactive teacher in general, but this year was really a teaching class for me.
This child taught me the most. I will call him Frank for the rest of the post. (I watched a lot of 30 Rock that year to help decompress)
Frank. Like I said he didn't like female teachers, or girls in general. He was academically low. I felt lots of his outbursts were meant to distract me and distract himself from this fact. So I gave him space. I would ask students to write he would throw down his pencil and say loudly "I can't." I said "Okay, don't." and moved on to help other students. The first few months were rough. He refused to do work, and I refused to engage or punish him unless his behavior was immediately impacting other students. I didn't send him to the office, I didn't take away recess, I didn't yell. Those were the punishments of previous years, and they didn't work. I don't fully remember when he softened. I remember he tried to start a gang with some other kids. We had a long talk about positive role models. Then I remember he told me his sister was pregnant. His sister had been in my class four years earlier. This put her at 15 for motherhood. He stared hard at me as he gave me the news, waiting for my reaction. I had really liked this girl. She was sweet and had been bullied by another student the year I had her. I gave him my congratulations and asked the class if anyone else was an aunt or uncle, maybe they had some advice for Frank. Lots of students did.
Then there was the incident with this shirt I am wearing today. It has a row of buttons down the back. One day during math class he reached out and touched each one as I was helping a neighbor with a problem. I looked at him and he had an expression of curiosity and wonder on his face, like he was thinking "This crazy teacher, first she doesn't even bother yelling at me, she is happy for my sister having a baby way to young and now she is wearing her shirt backwards." But who knows. He was pretty fashion forward, very careful about his own clothes. Once I overheard him explain to another student that the bolero style jacket I was wearing wasn't too small for me, it was made that way.
He asked me to adopt him. In the middle of our field trip that year we were walking together and he just said it like he was asking what I was having for lunch. Man, I wish I could have.
The rest of the year he was great for me. I heard rumor he was still awful on the playground, but unless I saw a behavior note I was not going to worry about it. He qualified for academic services, which thrilled me as it meant he would have the help he needed going into Junior High. I didn't want him to get lost in the shuffle and flow of the upper grades. He was such a great kid.
I wonder about Frank. I hope he is doing well and is more gentle with himself, more patient, more kind. He really brought those qualities out in me as a teacher. Because of him I began how to understand how important it is to make kindness my first impulse.
Also today I put on a shirt that is a loaded gun of memories about one student in particular.
When he was placed I was told he was a major behavior. He didn't like female teachers, in part due to his own mother's erratic behavior. In fourth grade he practically lived in the office. I had a strategy with kids like this that worked about half the time, give them space. I figured if a student was having a hard time in me class it was my responsibility. With potentially explosive students I would make it my goal to be as non-reactive as possible. Sometimes this worked, but took so much emotional energy I ended up being super reactive with other students in the class. I would learn later how to be a non-reactive teacher in general, but this year was really a teaching class for me.
This child taught me the most. I will call him Frank for the rest of the post. (I watched a lot of 30 Rock that year to help decompress)
Frank. Like I said he didn't like female teachers, or girls in general. He was academically low. I felt lots of his outbursts were meant to distract me and distract himself from this fact. So I gave him space. I would ask students to write he would throw down his pencil and say loudly "I can't." I said "Okay, don't." and moved on to help other students. The first few months were rough. He refused to do work, and I refused to engage or punish him unless his behavior was immediately impacting other students. I didn't send him to the office, I didn't take away recess, I didn't yell. Those were the punishments of previous years, and they didn't work. I don't fully remember when he softened. I remember he tried to start a gang with some other kids. We had a long talk about positive role models. Then I remember he told me his sister was pregnant. His sister had been in my class four years earlier. This put her at 15 for motherhood. He stared hard at me as he gave me the news, waiting for my reaction. I had really liked this girl. She was sweet and had been bullied by another student the year I had her. I gave him my congratulations and asked the class if anyone else was an aunt or uncle, maybe they had some advice for Frank. Lots of students did.
Then there was the incident with this shirt I am wearing today. It has a row of buttons down the back. One day during math class he reached out and touched each one as I was helping a neighbor with a problem. I looked at him and he had an expression of curiosity and wonder on his face, like he was thinking "This crazy teacher, first she doesn't even bother yelling at me, she is happy for my sister having a baby way to young and now she is wearing her shirt backwards." But who knows. He was pretty fashion forward, very careful about his own clothes. Once I overheard him explain to another student that the bolero style jacket I was wearing wasn't too small for me, it was made that way.
He asked me to adopt him. In the middle of our field trip that year we were walking together and he just said it like he was asking what I was having for lunch. Man, I wish I could have.
The rest of the year he was great for me. I heard rumor he was still awful on the playground, but unless I saw a behavior note I was not going to worry about it. He qualified for academic services, which thrilled me as it meant he would have the help he needed going into Junior High. I didn't want him to get lost in the shuffle and flow of the upper grades. He was such a great kid.
I wonder about Frank. I hope he is doing well and is more gentle with himself, more patient, more kind. He really brought those qualities out in me as a teacher. Because of him I began how to understand how important it is to make kindness my first impulse.
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